Watch me as I dabble in stereotypes.
Are lesbian relationships harder than straight relationships? Sometimes it seems that way. Two women. Two monthly cycles. So many emotions.
As women, we nurture and crave to be nurtured. I know I do.
What I’m most attracted to in women is what also drives me crazy in women. I can’t connect on an emotional level with a male. I can with a woman. Emotions run deep. At times, so deep that reality is lost.
Men are simple. They are doers, not so much the feelers. They want to fix problems, emotional issues are not much different from the broken sink. They just want to find the fix. Women want to be heard, validated and feel a sense of value to their partner.
Take two women who both need to be validated. Simultaneously. This takes work on both parts. Someone has to put their feelings aside for a minute and validate the other. This gets messy when you have two very emotional women who are craving to be heard and understood.
Women tend toward dramatics when we aren’t heard. Somehow in the shadow of our subconscious we believe that we need to be jarring. Even throwing out insults or spewing venom to make an impact. It’s counterproductive. Why is it, if all we want is a loving ear, we push the one we love farther away from our need?
Power, control and the need to be right. If the argument or conversation isn’t going our way, the power struggle emerges. We want to be right, even if we know deep down that we’ve gone too far or that we are in the wrong. The need to be right is so illuminated that we are blinded by it. We completely lose sight of what we really need. To be loved and understood. It then becomes a competition. Who will win? I’ll tell you.
No one wins. We feel even more unheard, not validated and not understood. Communication in lesbian relationships is vital. True conscious communication.
When your girl is upset with you. Stop and get centered. Remember that you are talking to the one you love. Stay conscious. There is a reason behind her upset. Most often the core reason has nothing to do with you. It’s only directed at you. Taking it personal will only backfire and drive you apart.
Listen. Actively listen. Don’t make assumptions. Don’t fall back into old argument scripts. Remember those didn’t work. This takes work. Personal work. It takes a deep sense of self to not become defensive.
Do that personal work outside of your relationship. Remember that your defense doesn’t have anything to do with her. It is based on your previous experiences.
This is the ideal. It takes work but only until it becomes second nature. Believe yourself to be the partner you wish to be.